So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
love makes seman taste better
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
