This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
