Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
