i think my tv is drunk
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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