I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
