Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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