Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize