I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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