I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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