we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
