By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
