how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
There's even glitter on my cock...
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