I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
