Your tits are I can't wait for
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
