I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Randomize
