I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
