What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
