My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
