The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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