1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Your penis caused this!
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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