this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you didnt know i had herpes?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
