he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
