So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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