i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
