You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
