A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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