the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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