nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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