drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
