i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
So much Jack, so little girl.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
