Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
