so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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