Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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