how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
