and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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