the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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