I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
