were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
