YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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