Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
