woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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