this beer tastes like vomit already
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
