yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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