Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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