People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
