watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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