FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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