After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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