I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
The best revenge is premature balding
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
