God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
