they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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