oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
