I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
They are going to name an STD after you.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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