the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
