I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
