Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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