New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
