there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
it's great music for shaving your balls
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
