He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
