just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
