the new term for farting is butt boxing.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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