watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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