You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
