Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
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