I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
