I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
