Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
