I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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