Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
