i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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