And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
